When we started our adoption process in December 2018, we couldn’t fathom a pandemic affecting it.
A little background information. Evan and I applied to adopt from South Korea in early December 2018. South Korea’s program is known to be one of the most ethical programs, as they offer single mothers counseling through their decision and support should they choose to parent. Once adoption is decided, the agencies attempt to adopt children domestically for up to 6 months prior to international adoption. Unfortunately, domestic adoption numbers are decreasing each year in Korea. it is a misconception that boys are kept in their birth countries and that girls are adopted internationally, although that used to be closer to the truth. In Korea, birth order and bloodline still play a large role in adoption. Girls are adopted domestically to produce future bloodlines while boys are typically adopted internationally, to not alter family bloodlines.
We matched with a 16 month old boy in late June 2019 and planned on travel in 6-9 months. Two trips are required to finalize adoptions from Korea. The first to have a court date with a Korean judge, meet your child and their foster family, and see their birth country. We went on this trip the last week of January 2020. We had just started to hear about a new virus that originated in China, but only a handful of confirmed cases were in Korea. We continued our trip as normal, sightseeing at Seoul’s palaces, indulging on mandu and bindae-tteok (dumplings and mung bean pancakes) in traditional markets, and reveling at meeting our child for the first time.
What we did not expect to see were the early protests by frustrated South Koreans that Chinese nationals were still traveling to Seoul for Lunar New Year, the notes on small businesses banning those who had recently been in China, and every store begin to sell face masks at their doorstep. I do mean every store. Shoe shore? Masks. Korean beauty store? Masks. Souvenir shop? Masks. There is a whole chain of stores in Korea that sell flavored almonds. Any type of almond you want, they have it. You like spicy chicken flavored almonds? This is your place. Ginseng or green tea almonds? Done. They also have a line of mascot merch as well. (Who wouldn’t want pajamas with a happy almond on it?) While we browsed, they were unloading numerous boxes of face masks and were pushing their famous honey butter almonds to the back to make room for their newest item.
We left Korea with full hearts, ready to return in five to six weeks after finalization in the Korean court system. We could not wait to see more of our son’s home country WITH our son. Every day, the news would blare the number of cases of this novel coronavirus. Shout the mortality rate. We were confident it would not affect us since this news was primarily still fixated on China. Approximately two weeks before we were given our custody date, cases in Daegu, South Korea spiked. These cases were linked to a certain church/cult and increasing by the hundreds every day. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention raised their South Korea travel alert to a level two, or “increased caution,” and quickly a level three, or “postpone unnecessary travel”. Our agency was keeping us updated, our families were starting to become anxious, and we were beginning to prepare our jobs that quarantine upon return was likely. I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit I was getting nervous as well.
We received word on Wednesday, February 26th that we had received final approval through the courts and could take custody as early as that next Monday. It was stressed to us many times by our agency that we had the option to postpone. We knew that wasn’t an option. Our son had just turned two and the older he got without us, the more difficult bonding could be. Reading the news updates daily, we also realized that this virus was not going away anytime soon. That night, we booked flights from Austin to Seoul, leaving a short four days later. We planned on an even shorter two days in South Korea, but airlines were beginning to reduce flight schedules, so our trip was extended to four days. Our plan was this: Arrive day one, custody of Luke and embassy appointment day two, hunker down in hotel room with brand new toddler who doesn’t know you or speak your language day three, and fly home with said toddler day four. Easy peasy.
We felt very safe in our hotel during our stay. They had thermal imaging at every entrance and would check wrist or forehead temperatures on every person. They even did this for their own bellhops that would walk outside just to bring bags right back inside- they made no exceptions (Including our screaming toddler 15 minutes after custody). We saw cleaning staff wiping down walls, tables, and floors daily. Our biggest adventures after custody included walking in the lobby. What a thrill. I should add- we felt like the Beverly Hillbillies meet Seoul at this hotel, so new parents with a screaming toddler in a snazzy hotel lobby made for a lot of interesting looks over employee’s face masks.
We got to the airport for our flight out and were asked no less than four times if we had been to China or Iran in the last 14 days, if we had been close to anyone with known positive, or if we had run a fever anytime during our stay. Temperatures were taken two times before allowing anyone to go through security. Luke was a trooper during the almost 14 hour flight from Atlanta to Seoul. We were told by his foster family that “he thrashes when he sleeps” and the flight on his new mom’s lap was no exception. My newfound mom reflexes got a workout.
We were concerned about landing in Atlanta, as we had been hearing about official quarantines for so long. When we were ushered through customs, it was almost bizarre how little was done for an entire flight returning from a Level 3 risk area. And by little- I mean none. We weren’t asked one question about our travels, our temperatures weren’t taken, and we weren’t given any instruction on self-quarantine. We were told “his certificate of citizenship will be mailed to you” and sent on our way.
The first thing we did when we got home was go through a Whataburger drive through. (We cleaned our hands and our debit card before handing it to the employee.) A 15 hour time difference with a toddler was a major adjustment. Landed at 1 am in Austin? That’s 5pm on his body clock. Time to party!! Those first few days were long.
We went immediately into self quarantine. Our community rallied- Family members would send us things through Amazon Prime and food through delivery services. Friends would drop off diapers, wipes, groceries, toys, Costco sized seaweed snacks (Luke’s fave); and best of all- chick fil a nuggets and ice cream at our doorstep. We would occasionally chat through the window. “Social distancing.”
On the next Tuesday night, Luke began running a low grade fever. We watched and treated it over the next 12 hours at home. We contacted the nurse line at the children’s hospital who agreed that, without any other symptoms, continue to monitor at home. If it goes higher or he begins coughing, call the health department and get tested for coronavirus. Got it.
I spoke with the health department the next day. I told them our situation and the response was, “someone will be happy to return your call in three business days. Would you like a reference number for this call?” Um, no I’m good thanks. Three business days with a toddler with a fever FROM A HIGH RISK COUNTRY.
Since Luke was his normal happy self despite the fever, we monitored at home for another night. Thursday morning, his temp spiked to 104 and we notified the ER that we would be coming in.
We cannot speak highly enough about the children’s ER we went to. The charge nurse, nurse, and doctors were all compassionate, skilled, and overall wonderful. He was tested for numerous common viruses, had some blood work done, and once all of that was negative, he was swabbed for the new coronavirus. (Being in healthcare, I can only imagine that it was not-so-calm outside of our isolation room.) We were told that he likely did have COVID-19, so be prepared to have symptoms ourselves over the next 2-3 days. “Call and bring him back if he develops a cough or shortness of breath.” To be completely transparent, we weren’t concerned if he had “the virus” – We were 2.5 days in and if this was as sick has he was going to get with it, we can handle it no problem.
We spent the next 24 hours realizing that our self-quarantine was about to get a lot more isolating. Our parents hadn’t met their grandson, our siblings hadn’t met their nephew, and we were about to postpone it even further. We joked that Luke was probably concerned that his new parents’ only friends lived in the phone.
Thankfully, his fever broke the next morning and we have been fever free since that time! The epidemiologist (who was also incredibly nice) notified us early Saturday morning that Luke’s test was negative for the novel coronavirus. NEGATIVE. What did he have? We have our differentials- All we know is he is back to his normal toddler self!
As of today- Sunday, March 15- we still have four days of self quarantine left (primarily for Evan and myself since we know he is negative). Then we’re breaking him out of this house!!!! To a world without toilet paper. With social distancing… Woo.
When we started this adoption process, I never could have imagined our families not being able to meet their newest member immediately after stepping off the plane. I never could have imagined that my first hospital visit with my child would be with nurses and doctors in full protective gear to rule out a novel virus. (Nor do I wish that on anyone.) I also never could have imagined the amount of bonding that has taken place in our home over these two weeks. The new phase of love and admiration that I have for my husband. And I never could have imagined that this new little life in our home could bring so much joy.
If you’ve made it this long through the post, congratulations! It’s almost over! Ha. If his test would have been positive, I think I would’ve just written a book instead.
Last note on coronavirus in general: I truly believe if the entire world would get off of social media for the next month, we’d be better off. Have an elderly neighbor or one with health problems? Maybe give them a few rolls of your stockpiled TP. Offer to grab them some groceries. Im telling you, we wouldn’t have survived this quarantine without people. Friends of friends we have never even met would offer to pick stuff up at the grocery store. (New parents and no coffee filters…. not a good mix.)
Show some grace and wash your hands.
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